


Pas de Deux

by charmandhex



Series: Taakitz Week: The Taakitz Awakens [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And anything else is a spoiler, M/M, Once again rated T for me cursing repeatedly, TAZ swap of Taako and Kravitz I guess, This universe's version of the Chug and Squeeze date!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 11:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16196468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmandhex/pseuds/charmandhex
Summary: A few stitches away from the universe we know, it’s Kravitz who is trying to convince Taako not to kill tres horny boys. Somehow Lup manages to interrupt their date in every universe.Day 5 of 2Taakitz2Week: Elementary; *crossover/genre swap; “If I’m the voice of reason, you know it’s a bad idea!”





	Pas de Deux

**Author's Note:**

> More of a TAZ swap in positions rather than a genre swap, but what can you do when TAZ is every genre and you have no idea on crossovers?

            “I am _not_ going to get murdered.” Kravitz says insistently as he straightens his tie for the eighth time tonight.

            “That’s the spirit.” Merle says, lying on the carpet in the middle of the living room, surrounded by potted plants.

            “Look, all I’m saying is- he did try to kill us.” Magnus has a point. “And just because his goddess _said_ we’re off the hook… I mean, come on! If _I’m_ the voice of reason, you _know_ it’s a bad idea!”

            “What happened to Magnus rushes in?” Kravitz quips, moving from his tie to fussing with his cape, probably the nineteenth time he’s done that. Magnus has a point… but Kravitz is going to do it anyway.

            “Yeah, rushed right into Refuge and look what happened there. We died like eleven more times!” Magnus throws his hands up.

            “Which is _why_ I’m going to talk to him.” Kravitz replies.

            “And why you keep worrying about how you look.” Merle drawls, rolling over. He’d said that he wanted the plants as protection courtesy of Pan in case the aforementioned emissary showed up, but then, Pan hadn’t exactly helped during the disarming incident on Candlenights.

            “So what? Some people want to make a good impression, my man.” Kravitz finishes and starts tapping out a frantic pattern on his leg, needing to have something to do with his hands. Nervous? He’s not nervous. Not nervous about meeting up with the emissary of a goddess who’d tried to kill them several times previously. And certainly not nervous because the emissary is absolutely gorgeous. Not in the slightest.

            “He saw you in that ugly null suit, didn’t he? And _eating my crystallized arm?_ ” Merle points out.

            “No one asked you.” Kravitz hesitates. And grabs his violin. Better safe than sorry.

            Taako _did_ try to kill them after all.

 

* * *

 

            Taako is just as cute as he remembered. Which is, uh, probably bad for Kravitz forming coherent enough sentences to confirm that their heads still aren’t on the chopping block. Or arms, in Merle’s case.

            Also probably not great for the chosen activity.

            Kravitz shuffles his feet awkwardly in the dance studio, having placed both cloak and violin in the entry closet. He really hadn’t thought it through, suggesting a meeting at Two to Tango, the second most surprising business on the moon base after the Fantasy Costco. But it’s right there in the name, isn’t it? And yet somehow Kravitz had been surprised when nearly everyone else is here for date night.

            And oh, he’s got a date all right. A very _fateful_ date.

            “So, uh… come here often?” Taako drawls. Kravitz turns to look at Taako, who, unlike Kravitz, seems perfectly at ease, both in the dance studio and among the couples. Then again, you probably have to learn to adapt very quickly when you work for the goddess of fate.

            “Uh… no.” Kravitz admits. It’s actually unfair that Istus’s emissary is this cute. Taako has the most beautiful eyes, practically iridescent like Istus’s knitting, set above a scattering of freckles and a determined chin. His hair, more golden than Istus’s silver white, is styled much like hers. And as Kravitz has seen before, Taako dresses to match the overall aesthetic, in whites and in softer blues, greens, and grays. He still has that impossibly long knit scarf that he’d gotten Kravitz tangled up in during their, ah, meeting in Lucas’s lab.

            “Cool, cool. Always good to know you’re special.” He winks at Kravitz, whose heart rate speeds up. This is _ridiculous_.

            “So, uh, about the, the, _dying_ issue-” Kravitz starts.

            “Places, places!” They’re -somewhat thankfully, in Kravitz’s opinion- interrupted by the teacher. “Yes, you too!” The teacher points at Johann, who, somewhat sullenly, moves to stand in the corner, violin in hand.

            Taako takes one look at Johann and snorts. “Glad I got the right bard. Even if you _have_ committed, uh, a fuckton of fate crimes.”

            “I told you, I haven’t died… well, I _hadn’t_ died at that point. Just, just in Refuge.”

            “Yeah, eleven times there.”

            “It was to get and destroy a Grand Relic!”

            “Plus the fourteen already.”

            “I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            “You’re lucky you’re cute. And that Istus likes you.” Kravitz takes Taako’s offered hand and puts his other on Taako’s back, while Taako rests the other hand on Kravitz’s shoulder.

            Taako’s hands are warm. Taako is warm. Kravitz jerks back in surprise, and at Taako’s confused, and dare Kravitz say, slightly hurt look, he tries to explain. “Oh, uh, sorry, I thought, what with you being, um, an emissary and all…

            “Taako’s not dead, homie. Real flesh boy and everything.” Taako draws back anyway, and Kravitz is scrambling to undo the damage.

            “No, no… I’m glad you aren’t dead?” He tries, and it’s not the most eloquent thing he’s ever said (and really, he’s a _bard_ \- what is it about Taako that puts him at a disadvantage?)

            At least it gets Taako to laugh, and after another frenzied prompt from the teacher, they get back into position.

            As the instructor explains, overemphasizing just how _elementary_ these steps are and they really _must_ be able to get these right if they ever want to hope to be able to _dance_ -“Chill, homie, it’s not life and death, and listen, I would know,”- and how _dancing is a serious matter stop laughing you over there_. Kravitz is starting to genuinely regret his choice of location for tonight’s meeting.

            But, in a few short moments, they’re somewhat easily moving through the first dance, nowhere near the least coordinated couple on the dance floor. Actually, Kravitz is surprised to note that they’re quite well-matched.

            “Oh, yeah, like you were saying, about the fact that you and the other dos horny boys are fate criminals. And death criminals for that matter.”

            “Death criminals?” Kravitz bridles at that. He might not be a cleric or a paladin, but he still served the Raven Queen.

            “Oh, yeah, Lady Iz was talking to RQ, and Lup was saying-” Taako cuts himself off, ears twitching, and Kravitz wonders what that’s about. “The _point_ is, you’re good to go, my man. You and the disarmed dwarf and the disarming human. And everyone in Refuge, for that matter. And, uh… sorry about tryin’, tryin’ to kill you a few months back. Part of the job description you understand.”

            “No, it’s… entirely… understandable?” That being said, Kravitz can’t really imagine a position where the job is literally to track down and kill those who broke the rules of life and death.

            “Glad you see it my way, then. I was worried, ya know?”

            “Oh, I was, too.” Kravitz admits with a laugh. “Why, why else would I want to meet _here_?” He looks pointedly at the room around them as they spin slowly.

            “I have to admit, I was wondering about that.”

            “Look, I thought it might be awkward if we were alone and you started trying to kill me. Again.”

            “And this is less awkward?”

            “…Well, no.”

            “Glad we settled that, then. So, what’s the plan now? Both of us skedaddle before Dancey Pants over there tries to kill us both?” Taako doesn’t look like he particularly wants to leave, and somewhat to his surprise, Kravitz finds that he agrees. The music stops, and they get more pompous and frenzied instructions before it starts up again.

            “I mean, the class did just start. We could… stick around. It’s fun, right? Do emissaries still have fun? Or do you need to go?”

            “Of course emissaries still have fun, I mean, me and Lup-” Taako cuts himself off again. “So, uh, what’s a bard like you doing in a place like this?”

            “I told you?”

            “Oh, I don’t mean, like, this shitshow of a dance party. Like, on the base. At this whole… thing. Risking your life and dying repeatedly and shit for some fancy magic boys. Why not something safer? Like, listen, I know being a bard might not always, uh, pay the bills the best, but, uh, why are you here, Krav?”

            And perhaps it’s the inexplicable dizziness from dancing with Taako or perhaps it’s the earnest way he’s asked the question, but Kravitz finds himself giving an honest answer. “I guess… something, or maybe it’s someone, has been missing for years. And it’s… I lost it or them, or what have you. And I don’t want someone else to have to go through that and never be able to understand why because it was a Relic that was responsible. Or maybe I’m just selfish and am hoping that by going out into every corner of the world and turning over everything I can see, I might just find them again.”

            Taako nods, and Kravitz feels like he genuinely understands. “No, yeah, that makes sense. Like, listen, when I thought I lost Lup-” And there’s that word -a name?- again, a third time. And Taako falls silent again. But only for a moment this time. He chuckles, dryly. “Listen, I don’t know if it’s just, uh, uh, I don’t spend much time with regular people lately, but I guess you’re gonna hear about my sister no matter what I do.”

            “You have a sister?”

            “Hell yeah. Twin and best sister ever. I’m the better-looking one though, natch.” Taako grins at Kravitz, who’d be hard-pressed to disagree with that statement right now.

            “And is she an emissary of Istus, too?”

            Taako’s ears drop, seemingly momentarily saddened, before perking right back up. “Nah. It’s…. a little bit complicated. Listen, I know I gave you and your friends shit for death and fate crimes…”

            “No.” And Kravitz momentarily stops in his dance, stunned, before the irate squawks of the instructor get them moving again. “You didn’t?”

            “Okay, listen. And uh, I don’t, don’t remember all this real well. Or at all. Istus said she can’t tell me, either. And Lup doesn’t know, too. But, uh, basically, what basically happened was… Lup was dying. I couldn’t let that happen. She’s my sister. She is my literal beating heart, you know?” Taako swallows, and Kravitz feels a pang of sympathy. “Anyway, we, uh, _apparently_ we pulled some shit that was kinda sorta possibly just a little bit illegal for Istus and the Raven Queen… they gave us a deal. Lup works for RQ, and I work for Istus. No Eternal Stockade, no dying. We took it.”

            “And they took your memories with it?”

            “No, uh, we don’t… know. It wasn’t them.” Kravitz feels the shift in Taako’s back muscles as he shrugs. “Anyway, uh, it’s actually a _good_ thing you got me instead of Lup on Candlenights. _She_ doesn’t have a weakness for cute bird bard boys.” Taako smiles at him, and it’s warming how genuine it is. “And, uh, she was also tracking down some lich who’s been giving her so much shit for like, ten years now.”

            “She’s been tracking a _lich_? For ten years?” It seems unfathomable, to be searching fruitlessly for someone so long.

            “Oh, yeah. She’s a Reaper. Kinda in the job description right there. Better than the Eternal Stockade though, ya know?”

            “Not really, but I guess I imagine so. And that you must be glad that they gave you another option besides running or imprisonment.”

            “Oh, hell yeah, Krav; there’s always a third option.” Taako nods his head emphatically, hat flopping. “Just like there’s always cases that break the rules. Most people fall in the middle, but there are always gonna be exceptions. Like me and Lup, or you and your friends. We’re not really all that different.” He ends, sounding thoughtful. There’s another pause as the song ends.

            And Johann starts playing something different. After a few notes, Kravitz recognizes it as the song that the Director had dropped as she’d had to rush off from their conversation maybe a week or two ago. And just like then, when Kravitz had experimentally hummed a few bars, it feels… familiar, though Kravitz couldn’t possibly place it. And somehow, dancing with Taako, it feels even more… right.

            Taako, it seems, feels the same way, as when Kravitz steps, out of sync with the other pairs, Taako steps with him. And again, and again and again. They follow their own path to this too familiar but so foreign song, and it feels as though something is calling to Kravitz across time and space to something unknown and out of reach, like so many of Istus’s stitches tying him to a guiding star he cannot see. And, again, it seems to be calling out to Taako as well, memory far away but partner within reach.

            As Johann’s bow stills and the last notes of the song fade into the silent room, Kravitz realizes the other pairs are all staring, watching them in astonishment. The teacher is also watching them, but red-faced and apoplectic.

            “Those… those were not the steps I taught you!” The teacher sputters, incoherent with rage. “ _You had one task._ Follow those, those most _elementary_ of steps to learn the dance.”

            “But, uh, we kinda… surpassed your shit, homie? Pretty, pretty good job if I do say so myself.” Taako’s grin widens when there are a few nods and murmurs of agreement from their audience. Kravitz sees Killian giving them a thumb’s up over the crowd and feels his face heat up.

            The teacher goes from red to white to purple. That can’t be healthy. “Get _OUT!_ ” And then Taako is pulling him along, laughing, laughing, as they race out the door and onto the quad. It’s a beautiful sound, perhaps even more so than that song played upon Johann’s violin, and Kravitz would gladly admit he’d do just about anything to hear it again and again.

            “Sorry about that, my fella.” Taako says once they stop, in the middle of the quad. He practically glows under the moonlight. “Just, uh, seemed, seemed right. Like, listen, if Lady Iz is whispering in your ear that it’s a good idea, it’s probably a good idea.”

            “No, no. I mean… no, it was, it was definitely good. A good idea, I mean. And I was doing the same thing.”

            “Yeah…” Taako looks at him quizzically, ears twitching. “Wonder why that is. ‘Course, Lady Iz won’t tell me if it’s actually important.”  
            “Sounds frustrating.”

            “Eh… everything in due time and all that. Plus, uh, even she can’t see _everything_ coming. Like that mystery bag she gave you.” It doesn’t surprise Kravitz that Taako knows about that. There’s a beat. Taako seems to come to a decision. “Listen, Krav, maybe I’ve been reading this the wrong way… but this isn’t _just_ a business meeting, is it?”

            Kravitz swallows. “No, uh, it might have started out that way, but now…”

            They’re interrupted by a ripping sound.

            A ripping sound not unlike Taako with his interplanar shears. And a rift not unlike what Kravitz has seen before opens behind Taako, who whirls around, and they both see a cloaked figure step through, comfortably twirling a scythe. And surely Taako can’t be attempting to hide him. Why would he be doing that? And besides, Kravitz is taller than him anyway.

            “For the love of bird mom, Taako, I can’t _do this_ anymore.” A voice not unlike Taako’s comes from the hood, which is thrown back to reveal a woman who looks so astonishingly like Taako that Kravitz knows in an instant that this must be the twin sister that Taako spoke of. There are differences of course; they each favor the style and work of their respective goddess. Starker than that, however, are the black lines that trace over Lup’s face and hands, black lines that Kravitz immediately recalls seeing in Hurley six months ago. Silverpoint has left its mark on Lup, a reminder of the reason the twins made their deals with their goddesses in the first place. “That fuckin’ _lich_. Half the time I can’t _find_ him, and then the other half…” She growls.

            “Yeah, yeah, listen, Lulu, listen, as much as I would just _love_ to talk about your inability to reap a middle-aged human man who doesn’t remember he’s a lich _just because_ his ass is out of this world in jeans, _now is not a good time_.” Taako emphasizes the last few words.

            “Taako, this is _not_ the time to call me Lulu, and what do you mean, it’s a bad time for you, you work for the goddess of fate, and-” Lup catches sight of Kravitz. He gives a sheepish wave. “Holy shit. _You_. You’re on my fuckin’ list, Ghost Rider.” And suddenly that scythe is pointed in Kravitz’s direction, though Taako is still standing between them. “Taako? Wait, did sweater mom call dibs?”

            “Ugh, Lup, no.” Taako puts his head in his hands for a moment, ears twitching in irritation before looking up. “I can’t believe the breakdown in interdepartmental Celestial Plane communication. I’m gonna have a word with Lady Iz. He’s good, Lup. They’re all good. And that town that just kept fuckin’ racking up the death counts? _Good_. Istus cleared it herself, and RQ agreed. _So can you put your scythe away_?”

            Lup looks confused, but complies, the scythe dissipating into nothing. Kravitz breathes a sigh of relief.

            “Lup, Kravitz. Krav, Lup, the world’s biggest pain in the ass sister.”

            “Funny, I thought you said she was the world’s best sister.” The snarky response is out of Kravitz’s mouth before he can pull it back.

            Lup grins. “Oh, I changed my mind. I like you. Still. One sec. And, uh, no offense, promise.” She looks to Taako. “You’re dating a death criminal?” She asks, half indignant, half teasing with a wild grin.

            Taako groans. “Uh, first date, and barely a first date, cause we were still determining that point when _you showed up_.”

            Lup laughs, scythe reappearing, but her grip on it is loose, easy. “Okay, okay. We’ll talk later, Koko. Oh, geez, this makes the bluejeans lich issue so much better; you have no idea. Nice meeting you, Ghost Rider.” Lup yells as she slashes through the fabric of reality and jumps through to somewhere else entirely.

            Taako turns to Kravitz as soon as the tear closes. “So, uh, about that.” He starts. “Uh, sorry about the interruption?”

            “No, it’s… it’s really fine.” Kravitz might be a little disappointed though.

            “And, uh, just to clarify… this really is a first date?”

            Kravitz snorts but breaks into a grin. “Not exactly a good one, was it? Absolutely a bad choice on my part.”

            Taako grins as well. “I mean, it was with you, so overall pretty good in my opinion.” But then he sighs and fiddles with his scarf. And then he starts talking to it. “Yeah, yeah, don’t go throwing your knitting needles; I’m coming.” He pets a part of his scarf, and Kravitz can see that it’s stitched with a few communication runes, one of which is fraying. “I’ll be there in a sec. Geez, for the goddess of fate, you could give a guy more warning. I mean, I’m on a date, for fuck’s sake”

            “You have to go then?” Kravitz asks.

            “Yeah. Sorry about that. Duty calls and all. Or, Istus does, at least.” Taako really does look beautiful in the moonlight, and Kravitz is struck with a little bardic inspiration of his own.

            “So, do I get the chance to make up for the first date with a second?” Kravitz asks, heart in his throat. He’s not nervous. He is most certainly not nervous.

            “Yeah. Definitely. In fact, see you soon, Krav.” Taako says with a wink and a laugh.

            “Soon?”

            “Yeah, real, real soon, natch.”

            “You sure about that?” Kravitz asks, and it’s most certainly not because hope is rising in his chest.

            “Hell yeah. It’s fate or something like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> So, raise your hand if you saw that coming! And please, please, please let me know in the comments what you thought of it (both that and the fic as a whole). For the record, it's less straight up a swap and more swap mixed with Eighth Bird Kravitz, if there was any confusion there.
> 
> And Day 5 is done just under the wire! No thanks to work today.
> 
> Leave a message after the beep at [charmandhex](https://charmandhex.tumblr.com%22%22)!


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